Military Ball-Are you current on military etiquette & protocol? Look through our gallery below and if you have any questions, please let us know!

An invitation can be sent via email, phone call, or paper. RSVP is French for 'respondez s'il vous plait' which translates to "Please Respond". This is not a suggestion, it is imperative that you respond and let the host know if you will be attending.  If "Regrets Only" is listed then it is assumed you will attend and you need only to respond if you can not. The invitation should also list the style of dress expected for the event so make sure to read ALL of the invitation carefully.  If you can't find it, ask a friend or call the restaurant. It is also appropriate to ask the host.  

Save blue jeans for a BBQ, dress appropriately for the meal. Check the invitation for the expected dress for the event; if you can't find it,  ask a friend or even the host. When in doubt, opt for attire somewhere between business casual and business. If no attire is listed, go by the time of day, 5 in the evening is considered cocktail hour so a business casual attire or informal would be appropriate. Tip: Layering is a good way to be prepared, you can add a tie when you arrive, shed a jacket, add or remove a fancy necklace or pair of shoes.

Greet your host as quickly as possible upon arrival. If there is a receiving line, DO NOT skip it. A warm smile will help you greet everyone in the room, even those you haven't met yet. If standing, shake hands with your table mates before everyone is seated. If everyone is already seated, shake hands with your immediate table mates (those to your right and left) and say a simple greeting to the others, such as "Good evening" or "Hi, how are you? My name is_____." Make conversation, but stay away from hot button topics such as politics or religion. Stay positive and know something interesting about the company or family which you are dining.

Remain standing until the host sits. If it is a large event and you are not seated with the host, wait until invited to take your seat by the speaker or SR most person at the table. (TIP: Read the room, if most of the room is still standing, DON'T SIT!) If you're at a restaurant and are already seated when they arrive, stand briefly for a greeting. (if you don't have a place card or know which seat is yours, remain standing until you can ask which is the best place for you to sit. You don't want to accidentally take the spot of the host or guest of honor.)  Elbows don't belong on the table; this includes leaning with the forearm! Don’t hunch over your food! Bring the food gently to your mouth, NOT your mouth to your food. All 4 on the floor - don't tilt back in your chair

Proper posture, don't bend over your plate, lean slightly toward your spoon/fork so as not to drop food. It's not a race, don't slurp or shovel food into your mouth or guzzle your drink, take your time and enjoy the food and the company. A meal is an event.

Don't use your fingers- a few items like bread are eaten with hands, but if when in doubt use your fork (spoons are only used for soft or liquid items or to retrieve your tea bag) 

  Remember: Loosely Left- if you need to get up or you are finished with the meal, your napkin is laid loosely to the left of your plate; don't wad or crumple. Your napkin should rest on your upper thigh or across your lap if in a skirt. Don't tuck your napkin into your shirt or leave it on the table while you're eating. Don’t use your napkin for anything other than dabbing your mouth. 

NOTE: remembering HOW to use your napkin is important, but remembering to USE your napkin is more important.

TIP: blowing your nose should NEVER be done at the table- it’s just gross!

Always take a clean plate at the buffet, no matter how many times you visit the buffet line.  Don't eat while in the buffet line or standing near the buffet.  If you touch it with your hands or utensils DON'T put it back, put it on your plate, you don't have to eat it, this applies to buffet AND table items. Don’t take a to-go plate at the buffet- this isn't your store. 

NOTE: At a buffet, wait until your closest table mates have returned from the buffet line to begin eating, at a seated dinner, wait until everyone is served to begin eating. 

Refinement- at a buffet dinner, don't go back for 2nds until invited to do so or everyone else has been through. NEVER go back for 3rds unless invited to do so by the host.  If you need to step away from the table before the meal begins, whether buffet or seated, politely excuse yourself and allow others to begin eating without you- “please excuse me, I need to step away, but don’t wait on me to eat.”  

Keep your utensils quiet- don't clang when stirring drinks, cutting food, or eating. All dirty utensils lay on your dishes: dinner knives and forks rest on the side or rim your dinner plate, coffee, dessert utensils, as well as butter knife, rest on your bread plate. It is ok to use your dinner plate if no bread plate is available. To know which water glass is yours try making a "b" with your left hand and a "d" with your right hand, your Bread is on your left, your Drink is on your right. Use your utensils from the outside in- utensils are set based on the sequence of the meal being served; the spoon and/or fork at the TOP of the plate is for dessert and coffee only (occasionally you will see a tiny 3-tined fork, this is for shrimp or other shelled seafood).  
TIP: Knowing which fork and spoon is used for which part of the meal is a big help at a nice dinner, but NOT eating with your fingers is even more important. 

Ask for items to be passed don't reach across the table, a simple “please pass the tea” will work nicely. When serving your plate, items will be passed to the right (Counterclockwise) and circle the table until each item has been passed to everyone at the table.  Bread, tea, water and other items should be passed to the right at the beginning of the meal.  Once every item has been passed once, asking for an item is passed by whomever is closest to the item. (e.g., if the bread is close to you on the left, ask the person closest to you to pass the bread.) •Take a small portion to ensure everyone has a chance to serve themselves. You can ask for the dish to be passed back if you would like 2nds. NEVER ask for 3rds unless offered by the host.
NOTE: the guest of honor sits to the right of the host, therefore all items are passed to the right allowing the guest of honor to serve themselves first. 

Refinement: a “no thank you” bite is helpful when you are at someone’s home, and they have worked hard on the meal. Unless you are allergic to the item, take a small spoonful to politely try. If you don’t like it, you haven’t wasted the item. If you need to step away from the table before the meal begins, whether buffet or seated, politely excuse yourself and allow others to begin eating without you- “please excuse me, I need to step away, but don’t wait on me to eat.” If a dish is asked to be passed, pass it along to the person who requested it. DO NOT serve yourself from it. If you would like to ask for it back, you may. Paired condiments are always passed together no matter if only one is requested- Salt and pepper, oil and vinegar, cream and sugar.  

Keep your food under control, don't chase it around your plate, use your knife as a "pusher" if you can't easily take it upon your fork. Dip away, drip away- for all liquids (cereal, soup, stew, chili) dip the spoon away from you, lightly touch your spoon to the back of the bowl to get the last drips (this is also true for messy things like pancakes with syrup, salad with dressing, etc.), when the bowl is almost empty, tip the bowl slightly away from you and get the last spoonful, let the rest go (don't drink from ANY bowl)! The art of the Twirl- eat spaghetti like a pro- if you are given a large spoon, you will use it to twirl spaghetti or other long flat noodles. Take the noodle on your fork, rest it lightly against the "bowl" of the spoon and twirl a few times wrapping the noodle securely around your fork before eating. If there is a messy sauce, practice the "drip away" method as mentioned with soup. If no "twirling" spoon is offered, cut noodles into bite size portion before eating. Small bites! No matter what you're eating, remember not to pile up your fork or spoon. If you imagine 3-4 gummy bears on your spoon or fork you will know the limit you should put on each bite. Don’t crumble crackers! even if provided, never crumble crackers or other items into salad or soup. Your hands, clothes and place setting will be a mess and break rule #1. (to properly use crackers, place them on the salad or in soup and use your fork or spoon to break it into bite size or leave them off.) Learn to cut a cherry tomato, also called a grape tomato,- you will thank me later! If you can't cut it, leave it- don’t chase it around the plate or bowl with your fork and don’t pop a full cherry/grape tomato into your mouth, this breaks rule #1!

Refinement- eating liquid items can be tricky, there are ways to tackle each item from cereal to chili. For soups that are just broth like tomato soup, sip the broth from the side of the spoon, for soups like chicken noodle, sip the broth from the side before placing spoon in your mouth to eat the noodle. For everything else take small portions into your spoon and place your mouth on the entire spoon without slurping. 

As with the greeting, at the end of the meal, stand, push in your chair, and say “good-bye” and “thank you” to your dinner mates. Make a special effort to thank the host or their second in charge (manager, spouse, chief of staff, etc.)  

Examples: "thank you for inviting me, I enjoyed the evening“, "Thank you for a wonderful meal, I look forward to seeing you again“, "thank you for including me in this wonderful event“. When you're finished, your utensils go together about the 4 or 5 o'clock position. Set yourself apart- learn the art of a Thank You note, email is good, hand-written is better. And remember, Loosely Left! When you are finished with the meal (as when you need to get up) your napkin is laid loosely to the left of your plate don't wad or crumple.

  •You spilled your  coffee on the table and ruined your meal and that of the person to your right.  

*Quietly apologize and ask the restaurant staff to bring a new meal for each of you if it’s a seated meal. If at a buffet, apologize and quietly ask the staff to remove the plates or remove them yourself and ask if you can refresh their plate 1stbefore you refresh yours. 

•You dropped your full plate leaving the buffet. 

* If it is easy enough (no gravy etc.) quietly put the items back on your plate and ask the staff to remove it for you or set it on the tray/table used for dirty plates. If it is messy (like spaghetti) ask the staff if there is someone to clean it. Return to the back of the line to refresh your plate. 

•Your cell phone rings at the table. 

* Apologize to your table mates and quietly turn it off. “Excuse me, I’m sorry I forgot to silence my phone” is a polite way to move on and not draw attention. If it is an emergency, excuse yourself and leave the area where others are dining. (“Excuse me, this is my child’s school I need to take this” is a polite way to get up from the table and not draw attention. Return as soon as possible.) Note: Remember Loosely Left for your napkin. 

•You're asked a question when you have food in your mouth. 

* A small head nod will let them know you have heard them, but you are chewing and don’t want to talk with your mouth full. Once your food is chewed you may properly answer their question. 

NOTE: if you ask someone a question who is chewing, it is polite to say something like, “excuse me, I didn’t mean to catch you with your mouth full.” 

  •You used your dessert fork for your salad. 

*The dessert fork and spoon are set ABOVE the plate to keep this from happening, but if you forget, quietly move your salad fork to the place where the desert fork was. Don’t tell anyone or draw attention. Remember, using the correct utensil is good, but not drawing attention is BETTER!!!

•One of your table mates is vaping or smoking at the table.  

*While you don’t want to call attention, you are faced with someone creating a bigger commotion than you will if you ask them to leave or stop. If worded correctly you may be able to avoid conflict. “I believe I saw a smoking/vaping space outside the restaurant, I’m sure you would be more comfortable there”, “Your smoke is a lot for the table, would you mind taking that outside.”

Even if the smoke doesn’t offend you, the behavior is unacceptable at the table and should politely be pointed out. The offender may get offended, but your tablemates will thank you for it.
 

•You find a bone or other item in your food.  

*don’t say anything or draw attention. If it is a small bone or pit as with chicken, fish, or cherries simply expel it onto your fork and place it on the side of your plate (using a paper napkin for this is acceptable by drawing the napkin to your mouth and discreetly removing the item. NEVER use a cloth napkin for this). If you unfortunately find a hair or bug in your food, quietly lay your utensils in the finished position on your plate and ask the staff to bring you a fresh plate and utensils. If it is a buffet, place your utensils at the finished position and revisit the buffet. If at someone’s home and you find yourself in the awkward position of needing to inform your host. Do so quietly, “excuse me, may I refresh my plate and utensils? I’ve found a hair in my potatoes.”

•You are served something to which you are allergic. 

*This is tricky for anyone with a serious allergy. If it is a buffet, it is ok to ask the staff if any of the items don’t contain that to which you are allergic. If it is a restaurant, make sure to ask the wait staff before ordering the item as discreetly as possible “excuse me I’m allergic to onion, can this item be made without onion or can you recommend something that can?” 

At someone’s home, it becomes a little awkward. If your host has prepared a meal and you find you can safely eat a few of the items, focus on those items you can eat. If your host asks, be honest and tell them, “I’m sorry, I am allergic to that.” If you find every item in the dinner prepared contains something to which you are allergic, simply speak to your host, “this dinner smells wonderful, unfortunately I am allergic to this.” Let the host find a solution. If there is no solution offered, use the "no thank you bite“ rule  to help yourself to a small amount of the items presented because an empty plate draws attention and breaks rule #1.